Fear & Hope

G. L. Dartt

 

"Final impact. Final Round to Janeway. Winner: Janeway."

Seven of Nine, formerly the Tertiary Adjunct to the Unimatrix 01 in the Borg Collective, looked at her arm in resignation where the Velocity disc had clipped it and lowered her phaser. She took a breath, controlling her annoyance and looked to her opponent.

Captain Kathryn Janeway of the USS Voyager stood breathing heavily in the center of the holodeck, a faint smile on her elegant features as stray strands of her rich auburn hair stuck to her flushed features, perspiration dripping freely from her forehead. She was dressed in a red tunic over black leggings which were tucked into thickly-soled shoes.

"Nice play," she said in her smoky voice. "You almost had me."

Seven raised an eyebrow as she stopped within a few feet of the Human female.

"Almost," she allowed without irony.

"Go again?"

Seven shook her head minutely. "I must report to the astrometrics lab," she replied. "There's work to be done."

A flicker of exasperation crossed the captain's features. "Work," she protested. "I gave the crew direct orders to take some R&R over the next few days and that includes you."

Seven realized that her obstinate attitude annoyed the captain at times though for the most part, the woman responsible for severing her link to all she had know before, showed her only kindness where others held suspicion and fear. Even when Seven willfully disobeyed Janeway's orders and directly opposed her opinions, Janeway maintained both her temper and her patience. Seven had recently decided that she did not wish to be in conflict with this woman yet it seemed no matter how hard she tried, they ended up on the opposite side of a great many discussions. She did not want to argue now either, but she had her own reasons for not acceding to the captain's wishes.

"There are more pressing needs," Seven tried to explain. "I am attempting to design another method of traveling at slipstream velocities without damaging Voyager."

A day earlier, Seven and Janeway had been kidnapped by an alien named Arturis in a rather convoluted plot to trap them into being assimilated by the Borg. It was by the narrowest of margins that the two women managed to escape from the brig he had placed them in. They sabotaged the navigational system which slowed his vessel down, allowing Voyager to catch up and transport them to safety. The whole adventure had been quite trying for both of them, but a possible, inadvertent benefit was the exposure to a new technology; slip-stream propulsion. It was a drive which might allow the ship to travel at unimaginable speed, crossing large areas of space in seconds.

For this particular vessel, lost for four years in the Delta Quadrant, 55,000 light years away from the Federation and Starfleet, it offered the possibility of home and Seven could see that she had intrigued the captain.

"I thought that was impossible," Janeway said with some surprise.

"'Impossible' is a word that Humans use far too often," Seven responded, trying to keep the condescension from her tone. She was unsure as to whether she had succeeded or not. "I wish to continue my efforts."

The captain looked thoughtful, the corner of her mouth curling up slightly in what Seven had come to recognize was amusement.

"A few days ago, you were ready to abandon ship," Janeway said. "And here you are practically laying in a course for Earth."

Seven hesitated. She wanted the other woman to understand why she had undergone this change of attitude from her previous antagonism where she had, a few days before, informed the captain that she had no intention of returning to the Alpha Quadrant. Janeway had shredded her pronouncement with keen acuity, easily seeing through the angry words to put her finger on Seven's real motivation; a deep fear at the thought of dealing with billions of independent Humans. It had been difficult enough for the young Borg to adapt to the mere one hundred and fifty currently on board this vessel. In fact, Seven thought she still had not adjusted. Especially to this one individual.

"As we approached Borg space, I began to re-evaluate my future," Seven said slowly. "The prospect of becoming a drone ... was unappealing."

Janeway regarded her closely, an expression on her face that Seven could not recognize. "Sometimes you have to look back in order to move forward," she offered quietly. "Sounds to me like you're starting to embrace your Humanity."

"No!" Seven objected immediately, then softened her tone, trying to be conciliatory. "But as I said, nothing is impossible."

Janeway continued to regard her intently, then nodded briefly, half grinning. "Computer," she said, turning away to take up position a few feet away. She tilted her head, offering Seven a coaxing look. "One more game."

Seven was vaguely surprised, but decided that if the captain did indeed want to play again, then she should be willing to accept it. In truth, the captain rarely had time to indulge in such recreational pursuits. Seven knew that she was one of the few people the captain allowed herself to be informal with and while she did not know what that meant exactly, it gave her a warm feeling inside. She had no objection to spending a longer period of time in Janeway's presence. Obligingly, she took her position opposite the captain, phaser at the ready.

A disc appeared in the air between them, materialized by the computer. The light band encircling the flat saucer suddenly turned blue, Seven's assigned color, and shot over her head at an extreme velocity. Seven whirled and fired, the concentrated beam of light impacting the disc, changing the band color to red and sending it shooting off in another direction.

That made it Janeway's turn and Seven kept half an eye on her opponent as she followed the flight of the disc keenly. Janeway countered quickly with her own shot that clipped the disc and sent it tumbling; an offensive move because it made the path erratic and harder to track. Seven narrowed her eyes and carefully avoided the swiftly moving by lithely stepping aside and making her own move. She had been calculating angles all day and it seemed the perfect time to put this play in. Her shot drove the disc into the wall where it hit, rebounded off another beam and ricocheted off yet a third, just as the Borg had planned. She watched in satisfaction as the disc's velocity increased exponentially from the triple strike and ripped toward Janeway.

The captain's eyes widened and she reacted immediately, doing her best to dodge the oncoming projectile while trying to fire at the same time. Perhaps it was the attempt to do both things at once, Seven considered afterward, that caused the problem. But whatever the reason, Janeway overextended herself and stumbled over a beam, falling heavily to the floor. It was not the first time the captain had fallen while playing ... the game was demanding both physically and mentally of its participants ... but it was definitely the first time Seven had heard such a distinctive crack of breaking bone, or the short, quickly bitten off scream from the captain.

Game instantly forgotten, Seven did not even remember crossing the distance to her opponent, slipping her arm around the huddled shoulders.

"Emergency inter-ship beaming," she snapped, keying her communicator. "Two to sickbay."

As she glanced down into the captain's face which was absolutely white from her injury, sparkles filled her eyes. When they cleared, they were no longer in the stark confines of the holodeck, but instead, were crouched in the silver and blue decor of Voyager's sickbay.

A tall, sparse figure garbed in the blue and black of Starfleet Medical was crossing the room quickly. "What's the emergency?" he demanded as he knelt by them.

"The captain has been injured," Seven told him. She could feel the captain's shoulders under her arm, the muscles tense and hunched against the pain. She was stuck by an unfamiliar emotion as she sensed the captain's agony and she tightened her arm about her in an unconscious attempt to comfort her.

The Doctor, his bald head gleaming in the bright lights of sickbay, frowned mightily as he ran his medical probe over the captain, studying the readings off the tricorder in his other hand. "A fractured fibula," he said professionally. He drew out a hypospray and pressed it against the Captain's neck, the hiss of the painkiller entering the flesh, a welcome sound in the quiet.

Immediately, Seven felt the woman relax under her embrace and she felt herself relax as well, realizing she herself had been tense only after the fact, not understanding why exactly.

"Get her up on the bio-bed," he instructed and went over to the console.

Obediently Seven picked the captain up in her arms, lifting her easily and carrying her over to the nearest bio-bed. She looked down into the captain's face as she did and saw both astonishment and something else in the woman's elegant features. Carefully she lowered the captain to the bed.

"I was about to say I could make it over here myself," Janeway said wryly as Seven released her.

"That would have been inefficient," Seven responded evenly.

"I see that," Janeway responded with a slight smile.

"What exactly happened?" the Doctor asked as he returned to the bio-bed with another instrument which Seven identified as a bone-knitter.

"It was an accident," Janeway responded, looking vaguely embarrassed. Again, Seven was at a loss to understand the source of the emotions.

"We were playing Velocity," Seven added. "The captain fell incorrectly."

"You know," he said in admonishment as he ran the device over the captain's lower leg, the end of it glowing a cheerful golden as it performed its function, humming quietly. "Your orders for R&R certainly have kept me busy. Why do Humans insist on equating relaxation with causing themselves damage?"

Though the Doctor was Human in appearance, in truth he was a hologram, brought online when the ship's original Chief Medical Officer was killed in their arrival in the Delta Quadrant. The Emergency Medical Hologram had been in constant activation since then and as a result, his original programming which had allowed him to learn from what he did had granted him a sort of sentience over time, becoming a viable lifeform in his own right. Seven certainly found him as baffling and illogical as the rest of the Humans on board. And his manner was abrasive and sarcastic though that bothered Seven far less than it did others in the crew.

"Are you saying I'm not the first in here today?" Janeway asked.

"You're not even the first broken leg," he sniped. "Ensign Hickman was skiing in Holodeck Two."

Janeway smiled. "We work hard, Doctor," she offered. "I suppose it's not unusual to find we also play hard."

"Well, you won't be playing for the next couple of days," he instructed as he snapped the device off. "At least not Velocity. I suppose I'm wasting my time telling you this, but try to stay off of it as much as possible."

Janeway flexed her leg experimentally, raised up on her elbows, a satisfied expression on her face as it moved easily. "I'll try, Doctor," she promised, somewhat unconvincingly in Seven's opinion. Janeway looked at Seven suddenly, an expression of gratitude on her face. "You thought quickly, Seven," she said approvingly. "I'm glad I was with you when it happened."

Seven felt herself unaccountably warmed by the praise though she had only acted in the most effective way possible. "I am glad it was not a more severe injury," she responded honestly.

"You realize, I'm going to remember that shot next time," Janeway said in a tone that Seven recognized as an attempt to tease her. With others, such an attempt annoyed and angered her. With the captain, she felt an odd little pleasure spread through her chest.

"Then I shall have to formulate a different one," Seven replied evenly.

The smile spread over Janeway's face, making her eyes sparkle, the color suddenly more blue than gray. "I'll be ready," she warned lightly.

Seven realized suddenly that she still had her hand on the captain's shoulder, had in fact, kept it there the entire time, only now becoming aware of the warmth penetrating the tunic, the way the slender bones and muscle moved beneath it. Self-consciously she removed it as Janeway followed her gaze, and linked it with the other behind her back. The captain looked puzzled as Seven straightened, assuming a more formal attitude.

"I must report to the astrometrics lab," she said, wondering why she felt so odd.

Janeway nodded slightly. "Well, our time in the holodeck is finished anyway," she responded, sitting up and then standing up gingerly. Seven's hand half lifted to catch her as the captain staggered a little, but it was not needed and Seven hoped that the gesture had not been noticed. "Thank you for the game."

"I ... enjoyed it," Seven said, hesitating over the word before deciding it was appropriate.

"So did I," Janeway said and flashed her a warm smile. "We should schedule another one again, very soon."

"Not for three days," Seven reminded her primly.

Janeway looked mischievous. "I won't tell if you don't," she said. Seven frowned and the captain forestalled her objection. "I know, Seven," she surrendered. "I don't want the Doctor mad at me."

"No, you don't," he said, interrupting them as he returned from his office where he had been entering the captain's injury along with the details in the database. "Now if you're through cluttering up my sickbay, I'll get ready for the next daredevil."

"We're leaving," Janeway allowed, smiling broadly as she headed for the door.

Uncertainly Seven followed her and they walked together to the turbolift. She was suddenly very aware of the silence between them as they entered the lift, and she was unsure how to break it. The captain did not seem to notice however and as she got off on the deck where her quarters were, she favored Seven with a parting smile. Seven was very confused as she rode the turbolift down to the deck containing the Astrometrics lab.

What were all these odd feelings she was suddenly feeling? And why did the captain's presence seem to be initiating them?

​

Captain Janeway strolled through the corridors of her ship, idly inspecting the various sections she was passing. It was late, shading into the gamma shift and she really should be in bed, but the truth was, the last few days had seen an unfamiliar restlessness materialize within her. She hoped that a brisk walk about the ship would work off the edge, allowing her to sleep. It wasn't her habit to make an inspection tour this late but it felt good to walk about her ship, working out the last traces of stiffness in her leg. She nodded to the few crewmembers who maintained the late watch, stopping to talk with one now and again, enjoying the chance to connect with people she rarely saw because of the different shifts.

She had been worried that the recent encounter with Arturis and his deceit, the promise of home offered only to be snatched away, would have resulted in a great deal of negative emotional fallout. As it turned out, however, she was impressed by how her crew had not allowed themselves to get carried away, tempering hope with caution. Still, feelings of home had to be stirred up by the brief possibility offered and that, more than anything, made her remember the alien with less than benevolent feelings.

Trying to get her assimilated was one thing. Threatening her crew and deceiving them by playing on their deep desire to see home again was something else again. As much compassion as she had for Arturis who had seen his people assimilated and ending up in the hands of the Borg himself, she still wished she had belted him in the chops. Just once.

She looked up suddenly to realize her wanderings had brought her to the astrometrics lab. Curious at how Seven had been progressing with her slipstream project, she entered, intending to run a check on the data stored. To her surprise, Seven was there, working intently at the console, a few stray strands from the long blond hair which was tied back in an austere bun, falling gentle about the serious features.

"Seven?" Janeway queried.

She had startled her, Janeway saw, from the way Seven looked up abruptly, the gray metallic implant framing her left eye glinting mutely in the fluorescent lights.

"Captain?" Seven voice was surprised, uncertain. "It is late."

"I know," Janeway said, frowning as she studied her astrometrics officer. The porcelain skin seemed even paler than normal, and there were dark shadows beneath the eyes. "When did you regenerate last, Seven?"

Seven hesitated. "Fifty-three hours," she admitted. "I am close to discovering a way to bolster the integrity field strength."

Janeway inhaled slowly, clamping down on her first response which was irritation. She had to remember what Seven was working on and know that if she was overworking herself, it was because the young woman wanted to please her. Seven always did put out her best effort when working on something, even when it was something that she didn't agree with the captain on, Janeway reminded herself.

"May I see your work?" she asked, purposely gentling her voice.

She had surprised Seven again, she saw and the young woman stepped aside readily. Janeway frowned as she studied the equations displayed. It took her a few moments to work her way through them and she was considerably impressed with their intricacy. However, she could see what appeared to be a flaw and she tapped the screen over it with a fingernail.

"This bit," she asked. "Won't this cause a fatal error loop?"

Seven shot a disbelieving look at her, then studied the equation. She suddenly flushed and keyed in some data, then straightened. She seemed to have difficulty looking Janeway in the eyes.

"You are correct, Captain," she said. "I was in error." She looked very distressed. "It makes the entire final projection faulty."

Janeway felt her heart go out to the young woman who was clearly unused to making mistakes, at least of this sort.

"Seven, this is just toward the end of your work," she offered consolingly. "How long ago did you put this together?"

"Five point seven hours ago," Seven replied.

"So you were probably already fatigued," Janeway said. "That's what happens when you don't regenerate regularly. And exactly why you must."

Seven hesitated. Then nodded. "I understand, Captain," she said, clearly humiliated.

This was not what the captain wanted or intended and she put her hand on the young woman's shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. "Seven, the crew truly appreciates what you're doing," she said softly. "And so do I. This is tremendous work. But you'll do neither yourself or us any good if you run yourself into the ground in the attempt. Believe me, I'd rather have a happy and healthy Seven of Nine than a way home two days sooner because you damaged yourself to get it to me."

Seven stared at her, astonished. "You would?"

"Of course," the captain said. She frowned. Had she given Seven the impression that she was nothing more than a useful tool to her? That her efficiency was more important than the person? She supposed she could see how Seven could come to such a conclusion considering her background and the fact that Janeway was not really in the habit of offering personal comments to her crew. But then, she reminded herself, Seven was not the typical crewmember. Perhaps she needed a more personal touch, a more Human approach than what Janeway had already been attempting, more of a friend with less of the captain.

"Seven," Janeway told her sincerely. "You're very important to me. I want you to take care of yourself."

Seven seemed unsure how to respond to this so Janeway backed off a little, releasing her grip on her shoulder and leaning back against the console. "You need a break, Seven," she said casually. "Why not join me in the messhall for a late snack?"

"It has been some time since I ingested nutrition," Seven admitted slowly.

Considering the source, that was an admission indeed, Janeway knew. "Let's go see what Neelix has stashed," she offered. She made an 'after you' gesture and was gratified to see the young woman relax a bit as she moved toward the door.

They made their way to the messhall which was dark and empty this late at night. Janeway immediately went behind the counter and snooped around the various compartments and cabinets where she discovered some leftover casserole. She remembered that it hadn't been too bad and, after taking a moment or two to figure out how the oven worked, she popped it in to heat. She found some bread in the cooler as well as a large container of juice which had a flavor that was a vague cross between mango and orange.

At her direction, Seven found dishes and utensils and before long, they were sitting at a small table, consuming the casserole. Seven was still somewhat hesitant about eating, Janeway noted, but she finished her portion completely if somewhat gingerly. Afterward, Janeway drew herself a mug of coffee from the replicator, and looked at Seven.

"Would you like a cup?" she asked.

Seven shook her head. "I do not believe caffeine is appropriate for my physiology," she replied.

Janeway sighed ruefully. "You're probably right," she agreed as she sipped the slightly bitter brew. "I shouldn't be drinking it myself this late either."

She settled back down at the table and regarded the Borg curiously. Food had definitely perked Seven up a little, the woman no longer looking as frail as she had in the astrometrics lab. She was sitting alertly in her chair, her hands linked in front of her on the table, granting the captain her complete and utter attention. Janeway smiled briefly. Seven always looked as if she was about to be ordered to accomplish the impossible and fully prepared to get started instantly. The captain wondered what was really going on behind that impassive but quite lovely face, behind the eyes that were the most delicate shade of pale blue.

Janeway wondered where that last thought had come from. She must be more tired than she had realized. Certainly she knew Seven was quite attractive. She just wasn't sure why it was suddenly worth noting.

"Uh, so," Janeway offered, more to break the silence. "How are your socialization lessons with the Doctor coming along?"

Seven raised an eyebrow. "I was unaware you knew of the Doctor's tutoring," she said.

Janeway smiled slowly. "There is very little that goes on in this ship that I don't know about, Seven," she offered gently.

Seven seemed to smile slightly, but it was so faint that Janeway wasn't sure in the dim illumination. "I am beginning to realize that," she replied. "You are a resourceful and impressive leader, Captain Janeway."

Despite herself, Janeway felt absurdly pleased and flattered at the assessment. It was not something she had occasion to hear much in the normal scheme of things and never here in the Delta Quadrant. Crewmembers do not take it upon themselves to comment on the captain's ability, at least, not to their face. It indicated a presumption that the crewmember in question had the right to evaluate the captain's performance, a privilege reserved for the higher ranks of line officers. But then, Seven was not one for Starfleet protocol, and what made it even better was that Janeway knew the assessment was completely honest, an objective opinion of someone who had plenty of reason not to respect her command ability at all.

"Thank you, Seven," Janeway said softly.

Seven dipped her head slightly. "As for the Doctor's tutoring, I have occasionally questioned the appropriateness of a being who possibly could not even be considered a lifeform, teaching me how to interact with Humans."

"Ah, but you see, Seven," Janeway offered. "He's so recently gone through what you have, adapting to dealing with Humans on a full time basis, that he is the best one to help you learn from his mistakes."

Seven raised an eyebrow. "I had not considered that," she allowed. She paused. "Sometimes, however, he seems as much at a loss as I am with regard to Human behavior. And other crewmembers are equally uncooperative in answering my questions."

Janeway took a sip of coffee. "Such as?"

Seven brightened. "I am frequently intrigued by the sexual nature of Human relationships," she said. "The act of copulation is a simple physical interaction yet Humans seem to attach such complicated emotional resonances to it."

Janeway froze, mug halfway to her mouth. Well, she thought ruefully, I absolutely asked for that one. Carefully she took another pull from her coffee, taking a larger than normal swallow. There was no question in her mind that she would need the extra stimulation the caffeine would offer before tackling this one.

"Seven, the sexual nature of relationships is fairly complicated," she said in what she hoped was a calm and even tone. "But I believe the key is that humans are at their most vulnerable, both physically and emotionally, when making love, so as a result, you want to have complete trust in your partner. Without that trust, the experience can be less than adequate."

Seven considered that. "Is that why there is a period of 'getting to know' someone first?" she asked.

Janeway nodded. "Yes," she said. "It's been my experience that the better one knows the other person, the more rewarding the physical relationship." She hesitated, searching for the proper words. "Physical intimacy is a way of enhancing emotional attachment. It is possible to have one without the other, but when it comes to adults being attracted to each other, I find trust is the most important element in any successful relationship."

Seven regarded her gravely. "Thank you for explaining this, Captain," she said. She looked thoughtful, a small furrow between her eyebrows. "Why do humans have such difficulty discussing this?"

Janeway wondered who she had been asking.

"I don't know, Seven," she replied. "There are certain cultural taboos regarding sexual intimacy both now and in the past. Enough that it would take years to explain them all."

"I see," Seven said. "Still, I am gratified to have some of my questions clarified."

Janeway tilted her head slightly. "Seven, I'm always willing to discuss humanity with you," she said. "I may not always be available to you at any given moment, but if you can be patient and wait until I'm free, I'll be more than glad to answer any of your questions. I don't want you to think you can't come to me when you need to."

Seven looked at her uncertainly. "Indeed?" she said. "That would be very ... gracious of you, Captain."

"Not graciousness," Janeway said. "Responsibility. I'm responsible for you being here, Seven."

Seven's head raised slightly as if she was unsure if she liked that answer or not and Janeway realized that it had sounded a little harsh. As if that would be the only reason to speak with Seven, because she felt an obligation rather than because she enjoyed speaking with the young woman. She wondered briefly how she had suddenly become so good at reading Seven's responses. Maybe she had just gotten used to the subtle changes that crossed that delicate face.

"Also, I enjoy talking with you Seven," she added quickly. "You have such an intriguing way of looking at things that, even when I don't agree with it, I find myself looking forward to hearing your viewpoint."

Seven considered that. "Thank you," she said.

Janeway noticed that Seven's eyes had warmed perceptibly. She felt pleased that, for once, her words made Seven happy. She remembered the incident a few days before where the conflict they had regarding Seven's wishes to be left behind in the Delta Quadrant had upset the young woman so much. Janeway would have sworn that Seven's eyes had been bright with tears and the sudden beep from the computer had been a welcome interruption to the captain's own heart, which had been racing far beyond what the conflict of interest should have caused.

The doors to the messhall slipped open and both women looked up to see Neelix start his day. The Delta Quadrant native brightened as he observed the two women at the table and came over. With his speckled scalp and golden eyes set in pudgy features set off by tufts of hair, the Talaxian resembled a Terran warthog, though his personality was as far from that bad tempered animal as was possible.

"Captain, Seven, you're up early," he said enthusiastically.

Janeway offered him a wry grin. "Actually, we have yet to get to bed," she admitted. "By the way, we raided your kitchen and finished off that casserole from yesterday's lunch."

He waved it away. "The food is there to be eaten, Captain," he said. "I'm glad you both enjoyed it." He looked expectantly at Seven.

The Borg regarded him with a touch of bemusement in her eyes. "It was ... acceptable," she finally said.

"From you, that's a compliment," he grinned and patted her on the shoulder.

"Seven, consider yourself off duty today," Janeway ordered. "I want you to have a full regeneration period." Seven raised an eyebrow and she added, "And yes, that was an order."

Seven took a breath. "Very well, Captain," she said.

She stood up, nodded politely to both the Captain and Neelix before making her exit. Janeway's eyes followed her out the door speculatively. She abruptly became aware of Neelix's gaze on her and she glanced at him.

"Is there a problem with Seven, Captain?" he asked curiously.

"Just the same one the entire crew has," she said with a bit of a sigh. "Sometimes they don't know when to give themselves a break."

"I would say they take after the captain then," he offered with a slight grin.

She grinned back at him with unrepentant humour. "You might be right, Neelix," she agreed. "But I'm allowed. They're not."

"I'll keep an eye on her," he offered. "If you'd like. I'd consider it part of my duties as morale officer."

"No, I'll take care of her," she said absently, already on her way to the door.

She didn't see him raise his eyebrow or hear his soft words spoken aloud as soon as she had left; "And why, I wonder, do you like taking care of Seven so much?"

He shook his head, smiling faintly, and got back to work.

​

The cargo bay was dim, the illumination from the Borg alcove casting a greenish tinge over the rest of the area which was cluttered with equipment and containers along with a work station. Seven was standing at one console, intently studying the readout from all the data she had input over the past hour.

Seven of Nine was finding it progressively difficult to concentrate as the days passed, her thoughts growing increasingly occupied with the captain. What Janeway might be doing at any given moment, how long it would be before Seven could see her again, why the strangest yet most pleasant emotions swirled through her when she actually was in the captain's presence during staff meetings or briefings. Confused by all this, Seven had described her condition to the computer, the emotions of happiness, anticipation and restlessness which seemed to be her constant companion now. It had immediately returned two possibilities.

One; she was in the final stages of Nahila fever, a virus which affected the nervous system and caused the most inadvertent complications when, after it had run its course, the victims found themselves involved with romantic entanglements that they never would have considered in a healthy state. Seven had to discard that conclusion. Not only had she never been exposed to the fever, her Borg nanoprobes made her highly resistant to disease, be it airborne or in this case, transmitted by sexual interaction.

Or two; she was in love with Captain Janeway.

Since she had discarded the first conclusion, she had no choice but to accept, albeit reluctantly, the second. She keyed in more data but as cooperative as the computer had been on diagnosing her condition, it was a great deal less forthcoming on what exactly she was supposed to do about it now. Stymied, she considered the whole situation. Obviously, she would have to discuss it with the captain, not only because Janeway was the source of all these disturbing feelings but because the captain had indicated that she was willing to discuss subjects which others of the crew found uncomfortable. For some reason, Seven knew this topic was not the sort Harry Kim or the Doctor or even Tuvok would be able to comment on reasonably.

"Computer," Seven demanded. "What is the location of Captain Janeway?"

"Captain Janeway is currently in her ready room," replied the even, feminine tones of the ship's main computer.

Pleased that the captain was not yet off duty even though the hour could be considered very late, Seven touched her comm badge. "Seven of Nine to the Captain," she said.

"Janeway here," came the immediate response.

"Captain, I require your advice regarding a personal matter," she said. "Is this a convenient time?"

There was a minuscule pause and when Janeway did reply, Seven could detect a faint note of surprise in her tone. "Of course, Seven. I'm in my ready room at the moment. Come on up."

"Understood," Seven said briskly.

She left the cargo bay and headed for the turbolift. As it carried her up to the bridge, she tried to analyze exactly what it was she was feeling. It was anticipation, she identified. A tingly feeling of gentle excitement at the prospect of not only seeing the captain, but at being able to interact with her on a personal rather than professional level. It was something that Seven had become accustomed to recently, feeling it strongest prior to the regular Velocity matches she shared with Janeway. They would spend an hour in hard, physical competition and afterward, they had developed the habit of going to the messhall for cold drinks where they would discuss the match in question, analyzing every shot in detail.

Inevitably, other crewmembers ... particularly Ensign Harry Kim, the ship's operation officer, or his best friend, the helmsman, Lt. Tom Paris ... would join the discussion, offering their own comments and oftentimes, advice on how Seven could one day defeat the captain, a seemingly impossible task. Since neither of the men had ever stepped on the court with either Seven or the captain, nor did they actually play the game as opposed to being spectators of professional matches, Seven discounted their suggestions utterly.

She had actually mentioned that to the captain privately once and the husky chuckle from Janeway had sent a chill up Seven's spine, impacting the base of the Borg's skull with such force, she actually felt dizzy. She finally understood the importance of developing a sense of humor if it could be responsible for generating such a wonderful sound from Janeway.

The turbolift doors opened and she stepped onto the bridge. The beta shift was on duty and, other than Tuvok who was the senior officer assigned to supervise this rotation, Seven was unfamiliar with the officers manning the various stations. She knew their names and faces of course. On such a small ship as Voyager it would be impossible not to, but they were not the people she normally interacted with. So she reserved her polite nod of greeting for the Vulcan security chief sitting in the command chair and descended the small flight of stairs leading to the ready room.

She pressed the controls on a small panel set to the side of the door, knowing this would announce her arrival with a soft chime. Almost immediately, she heard Janeway's voice over the speaker, inviting her in. Seven paused just inside, looking around curiously. The room was broken into two levels, the lower one containing a desk with a high backed chair. Shelves lined the wall to its left, displaying assorted articles of aesthetic value; an antique microscope, small glass vials with white powder, a small bronze bust of Leonardo da Vinci. Seven knew the captain admired the Renaissance man greatly, having gone so far as to create a holodeck program where she could work and interact with the scientist.

Seven turned her head to the left, looking to the upper level where Captain Janeway was seated on a blue couch which ran the length of the wall beneath the towering windows of transparent aluminum. They revealed a starfield, distorted by the warp bubble around the ship which made the little lights appear as long streaks passing by. In front of Janeway, a coffee table held a sterling silver tea tray with all the accessories. Janeway was pouring a dark liquid from the elegant teapot though Seven's nostrils detected the unmistakable aroma of coffee, the captain's preferred beverage of choice.

"Seven," the captain greeted with what seemed pleasure. "Please, join me. Can I offer you something to drink?"

"I do not require liquid refreshment at this time," Seven replied politely as she mounted the short flight of stairs. She preferred to stand but she knew that Humans were more comfortable conducting a conversation while sitting so she took a seat gingerly in the armchair which was offset from the couch. Her back was straight, knees aligned, hands folded neatly on her lap.

Janeway picked up her cup, a delicate container made of white china, banded by a single strip of gold around the brim which matched the handle, and sipped at the steaming liquid with evident enjoyment. Then she lowered it to her lap, the marvelous blue-grey eyes regarding Seven keenly.

"So, Seven," she began curiously. "What did you wish to speak to me about?"

Seven took a deep breath, surprised to find that this was more difficult than she had originally envisioned. "You mentioned that I could speak to you regarding anything," she offered, voice suddenly uncertain.

"I did," Janeway agreed quietly. "And I meant it. Is something wrong, Seven?"

"No," Seven responded quickly, then added, "I have been experiencing very odd and disturbing emotions recently."

Janeway raised an eyebrow and Seven discovered that she had to fix her gaze on a spot just to the left of the captain's face. Otherwise it was far too distracting.

"What kind of emotions?" Janeway asked, a touch of concern coloring her tone.

"Anticipation," Seven replied. "Pleasure, excitement ... desire."

She had surprised the captain, she saw. Clearly Janeway had been expecting her to describe some other type of feelings.

"I see," Janeway said slowly. Her lips twitched slightly. "About someone in particular?"

"Yes," Seven replied readily.

Janeway took another sip of coffee, clearly gathering her thoughts. She placed the cup down carefully on the table before leaning back, lacing her long fingers on her lap and regarding Seven with acute interest. "Well," she said, "I certainly don't need names. Are you sure these feelings are accurate?"

"No," Seven admitted. "I lack the basis for comparative analysis."

"You've never been in a romantic relationship before," Janeway translated. She nodded, her features suddenly softening. "I don't suppose it's the sort of experience you would have had in the Collective." She paused. "Are you sure 'this someone' is the source for these feelings?"

Seven hesitated. "I believe so," she replied. "I know how I feel in their presence." She didn't know why the captain was insisting on approaching this obliquely, but Janeway had mentioned that she did not want specific names used and Seven was willing to go along. In fact, she was aware that she was willing to go along with practically anything the captain might want.

"And how is that?" Janeway asked gently.

"I function better," Seven explained, searching for the proper words. "And when I am not around this someone, I think constantly of their existence. I am .... happy when I see this someone. I am .... not happy when I do not. I want only to be with this person all the time."

Janeway took a breath. "It does sound as if you're quite serious about this," she allowed.

Seven wondered how someone could not be serious about such emotions.

"Do you know if this someone shares your feelings?" Janeway continued.

Seven shook her head. "Again, I lack the necessary experience to judge," she said.

"All right," Janeway allowed the point. "Does this someone make a point of spending off-duty time with you? Are they frequently responding to you on a personal rather than a professional basis?"

"Yes," Seven said happily, unaware that her face had just taken on a glow as if lit from within by some sudden spark. "They do. Is that significant?"

Janeway smiled. "It most definitely could be," she said. "It probably means they like you as well." She rested her chin on her forefinger and thumb. "What do you intend to do about this?"

Seven thought carefully. "What do you suggest?" she asked.

"Well," Janeway said slowly. "I think you should take your time, get to know this someone better. That way, you'll be sure of these feelings as opposed to being caught up by them. I don't think you should rush into anything, particularly of a physical nature. It's best to be completely comfortable with your prospective partner."

"Very well," Seven said gravely. "I will consider your advice." She stood up. "Thank you, Captain."

Janeway stood up herself, reaching out to place her hand on Seven's arm. "I'm glad I could help, Seven," she said gently. "It means a lot to me that you felt you could come to me with this. I believe you really trust me."

"Trust is very important," Seven said, remembering that Janeway considered that to be the most crucial element in a successful relationship.

"It is," Janeway agreed.

She put her hand on Seven's elbow as she escorted her down the stairs. The warmth of her palm penetrated the silk material and spread through the young woman like a fire but Seven forced herself not to react. Slow. That was what the captain was requesting. She would get to know her better and then ... well, Seven was not entirely sure what would happen then but she suspected that it would involve some form of physical intimacy. That thought made her tingle from the ends of her fingers to the very tips of her toes.

"Don't forget, we have a match tomorrow," Janeway said as they reached the door. "At 1600 hours in holodeck two."

Seven did not require any reminder for that but she did not say that. Instead, she merely nodded. "I believe I have come up with a method to defeat you," she said. She glanced at Janeway was gratified to see those eyes shade to blue, sparkling with humor.

"Hope springs ever eternal, Seven," the captain said teasingly.

"Yes, it does," Seven replied and smiled briefly before she left, feeling as if she was floating several inches above the deck, held aloft by giddiness and the warm contentment of knowing her feelings were returned though not yet ready to be acted upon. That required a certain amount of time.

But time was something Seven had plenty of.

​

Janeway crossed her arms over her chest and stared blankly at the door which had closed behind Seven. Oh my god, she thought dazedly. Seven's in love. She wasn't sure why she wasn't fond of that idea, but she knew that it made her uncomfortable to consider the young woman being involved with someone in her crew. The Borg was so innocent despite all her great knowledge and Janeway knew well that an unsuccessful first romance could be a hurtful and stressful thing to experience.

How do you know it will be unsuccessful? her little voice asked curiously.

Janeway frowned, thinking about it. It depended on who Seven was in love with, she supposed. She went over the list of possible suspects in her mind with Ensign Harry Kim being the first one that popped into her head. His crush on the aloof Borg was common knowledge about the ship though few people needled him about it. He was honest, straightforward, handsome and genuinely a nice guy, well liked by his crewmates. But he was not the sort Janeway considered would be suitable for the strong individual Seven had become. He would too easily be a doormat to her wishes and not be self assured enough to counter the Borg's less than desirable qualities, such as her arrogance.

Janeway remembered one night when she had been working with Tom Paris, how Seven had come into the conference room to drop by her astrometrics report. The captain was struck by the thought that such an interruption was unnecessary. Had Seven been using it as an excuse to see Tom? Janeway quailed inwardly at that. Lt. Paris was currently involved with Lt. B'Elanna Torres, the feisty Klingon chief engineer. B'Elanna and Seven did not get along at the best of times. Janeway could only imagine the trouble it would cause if Seven became romantically interested in Tom.

Janeway shook her head, dismissing the idea. She was probably attaching too much significance to that one incident. After all, Seven had interrupted the captain with other members of the crew as well. Tom had not necessarily been singled out. Janeway wondered about Tuvok. The Borg had developed a relationship with him though Janeway had considered that more of a parental thing on the security chief's part. Still, Seven could have confused the Vulcan's detached interest in her as being of a romantic nature. This possibility did not actually bother Janeway as much as others. Tuvok could be counted on to handle a crush from Seven in a logical and emotional free manner which would allow the Borg to come out of it relatively intact.

But then, there were others. The Doctor? Janeway considered the fact that he spent a lot of time with Seven, tutoring her in the social graces. Janeway did not think even the inexperienced Seven would fall for a hologram. Neelix? Janeway dismissed that out of hand. Chakotay?

Janeway took a breath. Now that was a plausible assumption. Her first officer was very handsome, quite charming and very well liked amongst the crew. Tall, broad shouldered, his quiet spiritual, brooding nature could be quite appealing to a young woman like Seven. Certainly, she would be far from the first person on the ship to develop a crush on the man. Janeway decided to keep a close eye on the situation to see if Seven appeared to be growing closer to Chakotay or making a determined effort to find time to be with him.

Several days later, Janeway had placed Chakotay at the top of her 'list'. While Seven had seemingly found excuses to be in the presence of several senior crewmembers, Janeway and Chakotay had been interrupted several times by the young woman. Finally, Janeway became absolutely convinced that it was the first officer Seven was interested in. It was the day she and Chakotay spent most of their duty-shift in the ready room, going over the personnel reports for the shift rotation. Seven had come in on four separate occasions, once with an astrometrics report, once with a question about her slipstream project, once to confirm her Velocity match time with the captain and then, to give the captain a report on some shuttle projections.

After the door shut behind her the fourth time, Janeway decided that perhaps she should say something to the man since he obviously had no clue about Seven's sudden interest in being in his presence.

"You realize what that was about," she said, looking at him gravely across the desk.

He looked at her quizzically, the tribal tattoo over his left eye crinkling as he raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Seven," Janeway said. "Surely you've noticed that she's been acting oddly these past few days."

He looked vaguely amused. "Actually, I have," he admitted slowly. "I wasn't sure you had, however."

"Chakotay," she said gently. "Seven's not very experienced. I hope that you understand that she needs careful handling."

"Oh, I do," he agreed. He seemed somewhat uncertain what to say next. "How do you want to deal with it?"

Janeway spread her hands. "I think that's up to you," she said. "But just remember, whatever you decide, this is her first romantic inclination. This can be a very stressful time."

He regarded her oddly. "Uh, Captain," he offered, leaning back in his chair. "I realize that I'm responsible for ship's personnel, but don't you think you should handle this yourself? I mean, I think she'd take it better coming from you."

"Perhaps," Janeway allowed. She laced her fingers together and rested her hands on the desk. "But you're the one she has feelings for and I think that she needs you to be the one to tell her that it's impossible. Assuming it is, of course. I'm certainly not trying to tell you who you can and cannot be involved with."

He gaped at her. "Waitaminute," he said with astonishment. "You think it's me she's attracted to?"

Janeway was confused. "Of course," she said. "Wasn't that what we were discussing? Surely you know why she came in here the last time? The shuttle projections were only an excuse."

"Oh, I know that," he said. He hesitated. "But I think I should point out, Kathryn ... I'm not the only one sitting here."

She stared blankly at him, then flushed furiously. "Preposterous," she exclaimed.

"Hardly," he said, a faint blush darkening his features. "It's not me she's been trailing around with puppy dog eyes, Captain. Actually I've been curious to see what you're going to do about it."

Janeway opened her mouth, shut it, opened it again. "I can't believe you think she's attracted to me," she said, her heart suddenly pounding in her chest.

His expression gentled as if he could see the sudden apprehension in her eyes. For all she knew, maybe he could. "Kathryn," he said softly. "You're the only one on the ship she really respects, the only one she spends free time with, the only one who she talks about outside of her duties. I don't know if you're aware, but she's constantly referring to what you think and what you want. That's why she's working so hard on this slipstream project." He paused. "Frankly, I'm surprised you thought she would be attracted to anyone else."

Janeway knew she had to be as pale as her coffee cup right now. She felt impossibly lightheaded and dots danced in front of her eyes.

"Are you all right, Captain?" he asked, concern coloring his level eyes.

"I ... I don't know what to say," she said. "It hadn't occurred to me...."

"I'm starting to see that," he agreed. "What are you going to do?"

She shook her head dazedly, then the soft chime indicating someone was at the door caught her attention and with a fatalistic assumption about who it was, she keyed the door to let the person in.

Seven stepped into the room bearing a padd. She nodded politely at Chakotay and then looked at Janeway. Now that her first officer had laid it out so nicely ... god, how could she have been so obtuse? ... Janeway could see how the young woman's eyes lit up, how they filled with emotion when they fixed on her. She swallowed hard and accepted the padd that Seven handed to her.

"I apologize for interrupting but I require your opinion on these equations," the Borg said.

Janeway took a breath, deep and slow. "Commander, if you could leave us for a moment," she suggested.

"Of course, Captain," he said, hastily vacating the room.

She found herself staring at her astrometrics officer almost as if she had never seen her before. "Seven," she said. "We need to talk."

"Indeed," Seven said and there was an inflection there, a definite sense of pleasure.

Janeway felt her temples start to throb.

"Seven, a couple of weeks ago, we discussed your feelings about a certain person?" she inquired delicately.

"Yes, I remember," Seven responded readily. She regarded the Captain intently as if attempting to memorize her face.

"This person," Janeway asked with difficulty. "Is it ... me?"

"Of course it is," Seven responded, and to Janeway's horror, a huge smile spread over the young woman's face, bright and achingly beautiful, her normally serious features almost glowing with happiness.

Janeway felt her heart ricochet off her rib-cage and vibrate in her chest as if it were a living creature trying to escape while the pit of her stomach fluttered so bad she thought she might vomit. With an effort, she clamped down on her emotions, attempting a calm, reasonable approach.

"Seven," she said, quietly compassionate. "I am surprised and tremendously flattered by this. But surely you realize I can't return these feelings."

Apparently, Seven had not realized that.

Abruptly her face changed and Janeway hoped she would never again witness such a thing as she did then. All the animation, the happiness ... the joy ... fled from Seven's features as if snuffed out like a candle, leaving only complete and utter bleakness. The knowledge that she was responsible for causing that incandescent glow to disappear as if it had never been was almost more than Janeway could bear.

"I apologize, Captain," Seven said woodenly, voice barely audible. "I was operating under a erroneous assumption. I shall not refer to this again." She abruptly turned and before Janeway could do or say anything, she left the ready room.

Janeway felt as if she had been run over by a herd of water buffalo. It occurred to her that she should not have tried to deal with this while she was still in shock from discovering the situation. This had required more delicate handling, far more delicate than her ham-handed pronouncement had been. And there was also the fact that she felt as if she had lost something infinitely precious, had let something slip through her fingers that could only have brought her the greatest of joy and now left her with nothing but emptiness.

Dear God, what have I done?