0200 Hours

Seven slowly drew her fingertips along the instep of Janeway's sole, gently pushing into the pressure points she had learned about in her research into foot massage. She glanced up at her partner who was lounging in the chair, a blissful expression on her face, her eyes closed as her head lay back on the cushion. Seven smiled faintly and slowly massaged the base before moving up to rub the fleshy cushion just below the toes. Kathryn had the most elegant toes, slim, long, acutely responsive to the Borg's touch. Seven knew she could put her partner to sleep doing this, or arouse her greatly with just an alternate form of stroking, but for tonight, she was content only to relax Janeway ... to try to ease those lines at each corner of the captain's mouth, to make the shadows staining beneath those blue-grey eyes disappear.
She wondered if their discussion was helping. It did seem that Janeway's shoulders set a little easier beneath the thin grey pajamas.
"Annika," Janeway asked, raising her head to look at her partner fondly.
"Yes, Kathryn," Seven replied softly, using her thumb to press against certain areas of sensitivity in the captain's foot.
"Do you ever wonder why we fell in love?"
"The first time, or the second?"
"Either. Both." Janeway smiled. "I don't mean, why were we attracted to each other. The traits I love about you are something I've told you many times. I mean, do you think we were destined to be together?"
Seven raised an eyebrow. "The Borg have no concept of fate or destiny."
"What do you believe?" Janeway insisted, not letting her off that easy.
Seven considered it seriously. "Do you know of the incident where we entered an alternate reality?" She realized it was unlikely the captain could remember the actual event but she hoped Janeway recollected the logs regarding that time.
"The reality where my counterpart had managed to return Voyager to the Alpha Quadrant a year earlier? That 'Janeway' never interfered in the Borg/Species 8472 war."
Seven lifted her chin. ""Theoretically, that should have meant that Kathryn and Annika would never have met." 
"But they did."
"In that reality, my counterpart was never assimilated. Yet, of all the paths her fully Human life could have taken her, she ended up working on Borg transwarp coils in a science facility commanded by ... your counterpart." She looked at Janeway with an arched brow. "So it would seem that no matter what path our lives could take, they appear destined to intersect. Granted, that is a very limited scientific sampling of only two universes but it is still ... intriguing."
Janeway smiled faintly. "It is," she agreed. She was silent for a moment, clearly thinking about it. "I think I like the idea that no matter what, we would have met. Though whether we would fall in love is another aspect of it altogether."
"I believe that in that reality, our counterparts will eventually reach an understanding."
"Only because of our interference," Janeway noted dryly, apparently remembering at least, her own effort to unite the couple.
Seven gazed at her evenly. "Perhaps that was destiny as well."
Janeway's smile widened and she wiggled her toes under Seven's fingertips. "Good point." She pulled her legs away from Seven and sat up. "Let me do your feet now."
"I would prefer you scratch my back."
Janeway smiled. "Of course, my love," she said indulgently. She gestured with her chin toward the couch. "After you."
Seven uncoiled from the footstool and opened her robe, shrugging it off her shoulders as she lay face down on the sofa, but only after displacing Jake who seemed very disgruntled at being disturbed from his nap. Seven sighed happily as she felt Kathryn straddle her hips, the blunt edges of the captain's nails running over her spine and shoulders with delicious pressure.
"Have you noticed how small these quarters have become?" she asked after several long moments where she wallowed in the most absolute sybaritic delight.
"Oh, yes, but what other choice do we have? Get rid of Jake?"
"We could move back to 'my place'," Seven suggested. "Sectioning off a certain amount of cargo bay two is an option that would grant us more area. I believe that if we utilize levels, expanding upward, we could create very spacious living quarters."
She listened to Janeway breathe in the silence that followed that suggestion, the soft skritching of fingernails over Seven's back a soothing sound as the captain took her time to seriously consider the idea. "It's too far away from the bridge," Kathryn decided finally. "Besides, it has no windows and there is always the fact that it would not be good for crew morale for us to expand when they can't."
Seven thought about it. "You are correct," she allowed, a little disappointed. She had already been designing the structure of the new living abode in her mind. She thought about what else Kathryn had said. "Do you think others also wish to expand?"
"Oh, darling, I know they do," Janeway said and Seven was disturbed to hear the sadness return to the tone.
She turned, rose to her elbows, looking over her shoulder at the captain. "Explain."
Janeway sighed and rose from Seven who sat up, pulling her robe back on. The couple sat side by side on the couch, and the captain propped her feet up on the coffee table. "Annika, we're not the only married couple on the ship, nor are we the only couple who have discussed children. More than a few have come to me requesting permission to have a family, and I've had to refuse. Voyager simply cannot support the facilities that a group of children would require."
Seven blinked. "I did not realize that."
"I doubt many people have," the captain said. "It was handled discreetly and so far, the couples in question have agreed." She paused. "I have no idea what will happen when a couple simply refuses to allow me to dictate what is essentially a basic human biological need ... to reproduce and grow. Some very difficult decisions will have to be made on both sides. I don't look forward to it."
Seven tried to understand all the ramifications of what her partner had just said, and not for the first time, gained some vague sense of the pressure Janeway was constantly under. Was it any wonder that she occasionally fell to depression and self-doubt. In a way, it was amazing that she was not always locked away in her ready room. Once again, Seven was profoundly moved and astounded at the strength contained in that compact, seemingly fragile human form.
"Can I do anything to help? Could we utilize cargo bay two for the sort of facilities you're talking about?"
Janeway smiled faintly and shook her head. "If it becomes clear that we're not going to make it home anytime soon, then yes, I'll consider it. But with the slipstream drive offering a very good chance at getting back in the next couple of years, I think I'll stand by the idea of keeping Voyager an adult ship only ... other than Naomi, of course."
Seven took a breath. "I wonder if those people feel as bad about being unable to have children as I do."
Janeway reached over and entwined her fingers with that of her partner. "I'm sure they do, but like us, once we return home, children will become a very real option. Until then, we continue on."
Seven squeezed the hand carefully. "Are you still willing to bear our children?"
A tiny grin quirked the captain's mouth. "I am, darling, though I suspect that I shall not be terribly gracious doing so. In fact, there may be times when I'll probably be noticeably cranky on occasion."
"That would differ from how you are when not pregnant in what way?"
Janeway poked her in the side and laughed. "Touché," she said. "But let's see how gracious you are when you need to change dirty diapers in the middle of the night."
Seven stared at her blankly. "'Diapers'?"
Janeway laughed again. "Somehow, darling, I don't believe your research is as extensive as you think it is. In fact, it's damned selective at times. Instead of just studying the bio-genetic aspects of producing offspring, you should start looking at the care and feeding of them afterward. They'll make taking care of Jake seem like a breeze." She paused. "I also think you'll have a better understanding of why Voyager is not a good place to raise a child."
"Ensign Wildman is raising her child here. Naomi seems healthy and happy."
Janeway nodded. "Because of necessity, not by choice. Samantha conceived before we left the Alpha Quadrant. Darling, if she had known she was going to be lost for five years, I sincerely doubt she would have even considered the thought of bringing a child into it."
Seven nodded and made a mental note to extend her research parameters. She always managed to gather extensive knowledge during her forays into the ship's databanks, but sometimes she did not always know what lines to pursue. Until she ran into it in a conversation such as this one, she did not realize where she was lacking.
"Do you ever wonder what happens with the people we encounter on our journey?" Seven asked idly as she slipped her right arm around Janeway, the captain settling against her in the warm, comfortable way she had.
Janeway's lips twitched as she smiled briefly. "Sometimes, but most of the time, I have my hands full worrying about the people on the ship."
"What about beings like the Ocampa?" Seven asked carefully.
Janeway inhaled slowly and looked thoughtful. "We bought them five years. For a species whose life span is only nine years, that might have been enough for them to prepare for having to leave their sanctuary." She hesitated. "I'm not sure if the decision I made those years ago really made any real difference."
"It did," Seven assured her. "If not for them, then certainly for a great many people in the Delta Quadrant. Just in the short time I have been with Voyager, I have seen that." She studied Janeway's hand held so gently in her own. "You truly miss Kes, don't you?"
"She was very dear to me, Annika. A good friend and an exceptional person."
"Did you love her?" Seven asked.
"Very much so." Janeway tilted her head slightly. "Not the way you might think ... there was nothing physical there."
"I was not suggesting that," Seven said gently. "She had a great effect on people such as Tuvok, Neelix and the Doctor ... I was merely curious. I never really knew her."
Janeway glanced over at her, eyes soft. "I think, you and she would have become great friends." She smiled with bittersweet regret. "You did miss out in that case."
"She is not dead. Perhaps we shall encounter her again."
Janeway seemed cheered by that suggestion. "Perhaps we will." She squeezed Seven's left hand gently, studying the Borg mesh with idle interest. "What about you? Have you encountered anyone that you think about now?"
Seven thought about all the various beings that she had come in contact with the past couple of years. Beings both hostile and friendly, species quickly forgotten, and others who lingered in her mind long after the fact.
"Tazna Jade," Seven said finally, with a touch of mischievousness. "She was very much like you in a great many ways."
"Only better," Janeway said, a bit sourly. Seven did not think the captain really remembered the Confederation First from the Beta Quadrant, but the Borg knew the captain's personal logs had been quite pointed in their opinion of the silver-haired female who had made an intensive romantic play for Seven. It was the first time either of the couple had realized how very jealous Janeway could be.
"Merely as formidable. I think if I had not been a factor, you and she would have been good friends as well."
"Perhaps," Janeway said in such a noncommittal tone that Seven glanced at her, a faint smile touching her full lips. "Or perhaps not. Anyone else?"
"I think of Gretchen and Phoebe all the time. I am grateful I had the chance to know them, yet, at the same time, it has given me a longing to be in the Alpha Quadrant that would be easier to function without."
Janeway snuggled closer to Seven, her head falling back to rest on the Borg's shoulder. "It might be easier to not feel the sense of loneliness and distance, but darling, that sense of home is all that gets me through sometimes." 
"I understand." Seven hesitated, resting her cheek on top of the soft auburn hair. "I particularly miss Phoebe. She is very ... enthusiastic."
Janeway smiled. "How so?"
"Whatever she is concentrating on at the moment, she gives her whole attention to it," Seven tried to explain. "She grabs life as Jake grabs his food."
The captain blinked and glanced back at her, turning her head. "Nice simile," she complimented. "Phoebe has always been a wild spirit. Sometimes I've felt very envious of that trait in her. It seemed as if she always garnered the greater amount of attention from our parents, and was granted a freedom from discipline that I wasn't."
Seven frowned. "You ... disliked her?" She was very uncomfortable with that thought.
Janeway shook her head. "No darling, I love her," she said, apparently realizing that she had confused her partner. "But I'm honest enough with myself to realize I was jealous of her, and that it was completely my own doing. I always tried so hard to be perfect, to be better than those around me."
"That is an admirable goal. The pursuit of perfection is one I have followed most of my existence."
"When that pursuit leaves you empty, however, when it prevents you from being happy, what then?"
Seven considered that. "Being in love, caring for another, could be considered a flaw. It opens one up to be harmed in a way that nothing else can."
"It does, but I was so intent on trying to make my father proud, I never realized he already was. I tried so hard to be the best, that I hurt other people, including Phoebe, in that relentless pursuit. I was so self absorbed in being a complete Starfleet officer, I missed out on telling people I loved them, like my mother."
"It is similar to the Borg," Seven said thoughtfully. "Your goal of absolute perfection did not allow for emotion."
Janeway was silent for a moment. "Yes, like the Borg. I hate to admit that, darling, but I think you're right. I have been so arrogant."
"Perhaps that is one aspect of your personality," Seven agreed, pulling Janeway closer to her, "but only a small part." She kissed her partner gently on her forehead. "I think that you have spent this evening going over your short-comings, Kathryn. Perhaps it is time we concentrate on what you really are; a wonderful, amazing, incredibly strong, competent and compassionate woman ... and the person I love completely."
"I know my strengths," Janeway said dryly, though it seemed she was pleased at the words, a faint blush touching her features. "As well as my weaknesses."
"As a Starfleet officer, perhaps, but as an individual? As a Human? I do not believe you understand what truly makes you strong."
"And you do," Janeway said wryly, a faint smile edging her lips.
"Of course," Seven replied evenly. "You care about others. That does not mean you are not occasionally abrupt or rude or even harsh, but at your core, at the center of all you are, you care more for others than for yourself. You believed in a Borg drone when many others in the crew, others who could be considered 'kinder' than you, would have gladly left me behind with the Collective. You allowed a refugee Talaxian from the Delta Quadrant to travel with you, and made a place for him in your crew as a fully functional participant. You accepted a hologram as your chief medical officer, and granted him an official acknowledgment of his sentience."
"I had help with the Doctor," Janeway pointed out. "I have my own set of biases."
"But you were strong enough to put them aside and help the Doctor when he needed you ... more than once. You call Voyager a family, Kathryn. It is, but only because you have made it that way, and only because you were strong enough to hold it all together. I believe that if you can be measured as a person, it is not by what you have done in terms of scientific, militaristic or even in command accomplishments. It is measured by the people whose existence is richer by your touching of their lives, not by being responsible for them, but by simply caring for them."
She glanced down at her partner and saw tears caught on the fine lashes, the hard swallow of the elegant throat. "You have become quite eloquent," Janeway said finally, in a very husky voice.
"Another thing I owe to you," Seven said. "As I owe you everything else. You have given me my life, Kathryn."
"You have given me myself."
 
0300 Hours 

Janeway rested her head on Seven's lap as they reclined on the floor, the Borg's back supported by the base of the couch as once more, Jake had taken possession of the cushions. His snout was positioned next to Seven's neck and his breathing stirred the long blond hair. Janeway smiled faintly as she looked up at her partner, opening her mouth to accept the small bit of fruit Seven offered.
"And then," she added, mumbling around the grape in her mouth. "Tuvok made that logical report to the board of admirals about my lack of tactical training for my crew. I can't say as it was appreciation at first sight. He really outraged me, as a matter of fact."
"I'm sure he was aware of that," Seven noted, humor threading her tone. "You have never told me how you and he met before." She paused. "He admires you very much."
"Vulcans do not 'admire', darling," Janeway corrected gently.
"Admiration is an acceptable Vulcan trait," Seven said, unperturbed. "Otherwise, there would be nothing for a younger Vulcan to aspire to. It is 'envy' that is illogical."
Janeway felt warmth spread through her, both at the way Seven so casually refused to back down, which was very good for them as a couple, and because of what the young Borg had said about Tuvok's attitude towards his commanding officer. The captain was actually starting to feel much better, though she normally disdained anything that smacked of praise regarding herself, believing it self indulgent and irrelevant to the job. But the truth was she needed approval and appreciation as much as the next person ... perhaps even more so at times like this since she so rarely heard any in the normal scheme of things. Certainly, the approval of her father and her mentors at Starfleet had been a driving force in her early life and career.
"I admire Tuvok greatly as well. I can't imagine how hard it's been for him to be away from his family."
"Yet, with the Vulcanoid life span averaging well of 250 years, he is better able to survive being lost in the Delta Quadrant than others. He is not even middle aged."
"He'll never get these years back. He's already missed so much ... like the birth of his first grandchild." She hesitated. "There may be other things to be concerned about with him."
"Pon farr," Seven noted succinctly.
Janeway exhaled audibly. "So you know,"she said, feeling a sort of relief.
"I am not sure I completely understand all the ramifications, but I am aware that there is a possibility of him dying if he is unable to mate."
"It can be delayed," Janeway revealed, "both by drugs and meditation, but only to a point. If he cannot achieve a psychic bond of sorts..." She trailed off unhappily.
"I will mate with him," Seven said placidly. "We have mind melded before quite successfully."
Janeway forced down the immediate reaction that statement generated, taking a moment to formulate the right words. It would not do to overreact to what had been an honestly sincere desire on Seven's part to help someone the Borg respected so much. Clearly, while Seven knew pon farr was a time of mating, she was not conversant with all it implied. It was entirely possible that she believed Vulcans mated as they lived ... logically.
"Darling," Janeway said in a very gentle voice, "I'm sure if he knew of your most generous offer, he would be properly appreciative, though I think it would be a bad idea to suggest it to him. It's not merely a matter of a psychic bond similar to the one you've experienced before. In fact, this is far more than that. Vulcans, during this time, lose all control of their emotions, which can be far more powerful than Human ones. It is those emotions that would come through such a link. Then there is the physical aspect of it."
"'Physical'?" Seven frowned faintly.
"Vulcan mating at this time could be considered ... violent. The average Human female could be in trouble simply because Vulcans are naturally much stronger than us. From what I understand, there is a complete loss of discipline and composure at this time. That's why Vulcans have made this such a private and personal thing. They don't like outsiders to know of it." She reached up and touched Seven's cheek. "Darling, you had difficulty with a loving spouse using an 'accessory'. Tuvok would not wish to hurt you, but he would, perhaps quite badly, at such a time. It would be completely beyond his control."
Seven looked very disturbed at this revelation. "B'Elanna told me that she was able to help Vorik at his time."
"She beat him up. Besides, Vorik wasn't bonded, Annika. Even if I had the gall to order someone to act in a similar manner, simply defeating Tuvok in a physical contest would not be sufficient. His psychic bond would require either mating or dying. Annika. Unless he can find a partner who is physically capable of withstanding the denser musculature, as well as one who can maintain a highly disciplined mental bond at the same time just as a Vulcan female does, he will perish. While you could possibly do one, you would be overwhelmed by the other, I think."
"Is there no hope?" Seven looked devastated.
"There is always hope," Janeway noted firmly. "I'm still figuring it out, darling. I'm not going to let him down."
"Would a hologram suffice?"
"It didn't for Vorik. I sincerely doubt it would for Tuvok, even if we were able to rig some sort of neural connection." She stoked Seven's face. "Darling, try not to let this occupy you. I'll find a way."
"I believe you," Seven said, but her eyes were very unhappy. "Perhaps B'Elanna or myself could assist in this."
Janeway smiled faintly, deliberately changing the subject and hoping Seven would not notice it ... or if she did, would allow it for now. 
"I thought B'Elanna was interested in finding a female lover."
Seven stared at her, a little furrow between her sandy brows. "She has mentioned that." She raised an eyebrow. "Do you have someone in mind?"
Janeway smiled and shook her head. "Her choice in the possible males on the ship who could make her happy were fairly limited. I think the possibilities are even smaller in Voyager's female population. In fact, the only two whom I think could be suitable for her, are already spoken for." She looked at Seven and smiled gently, indicating which two she was talking about. "I think she and Tom should reunite."
"That will never happen," Seven responded quickly ... and automatically. Her face smoothed out as she thought. "Perhaps Susan Nicoletti. She is also an engineering officer."
Janeway had quite a definite opinion on this topic, but it had diverted Seven's mind from Tuvok for the moment so she was determined to keep it going. "What about Ensign Wildman?"
Seven looked vaguely offended by the suggestion. "Neelix and she are ... together," she said, hesitating over the choice of words. The Talaxian and the married Starfleet Officer were not engaging in an affair, but there was no question that the pair had become very good friends here in the Delta Quadrant so far away from Deep Space 9 ... and Samantha's husband. "Besides, I do not believe B'Elanna is a good influence on children. That would not be good for Naomi."
"She certainly wasn't a good influence on you," Janeway agreed dryly.
Seven eyed her narrowly, then raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps I was the one influencing her."
Janeway chuckled. "Don't think that hadn't crossed my mind."
Seven regarded her with a faint smile. The two younger women, Borg and Klingon, once they became friends, had engaged in a certain amount of what had to be considered juvenile behavior, such as chasing each other through the ship while on duty as well as taking advantage of away missions to indulge in non-regulation behavior like drinking, carousing and fishing, while generally acting like two teenagers let loose from parental authority. Janeway had tolerated it for a certain period of time before bringing the hammer down on her chief engineer. She probably would have done the same to her partner, but the explosion had taken the memory of it completely away. Since that incident also had a distinctly maturing effect on the Borg, the need to discipline the young woman had disappeared, but Janeway wondered occasionally if Seven missed the rebellious side of herself.
"She and Lt. Kim may come to an understanding."
Surprised, Janeway raised her eyebrow. "You noticed that too?"
"At our wedding? B'Elanna seems to have forgiven him for defending Lt. James at her court martial. I believe, that once she was past being angry, she was impressed by how competently he had conducted himself."
"He really has matured in the past two years," Janeway noted. "Perhaps it's time to promote him again."
"Then he will be a rank above Mr. Paris. Not necessarily damaging in itself, but how would Paris react to that on top of seeing Lt. Kim and B'Elanna together?"
Janeway took a breath. "I think you're probably correct there." She eyed her partner thoughtfully. "Maybe I should put you in charge of personnel. You seem to know them better than Chakotay."
Seven blinked. Then frowned briefly as she noted the expression in the captain's eyes and nudged her. "You are being facetious. You will never replace Chakotay as your first officer."
Janeway grinned unrepentantly back at her. "Love, you've become too quick for me. I can't tease you at all anymore."
"Not in that manner." Seven offered the captain another grape and then, when Janeway refused it, having had her fill, she ate it herself, chewing slowly. "Do you think he was really in love with B'Elanna?"
Janeway pursed her lips. "I don't know, Annika. Chakotay isn't really in the habit of truly confiding in me ... not about  his most innermost feelings."
"I was very jealous of him once," Seven confided, and Janeway had a sudden flash of her partner confined to the brig, ignominiously perched on the stark bunk, the memory connected somehow to another fragment of her first officer, bruised and bloodied, being attended to in sickbay.
"I think I remember that. You struck him."
"Yes," Seven said, an odd expression on her face, midway between happiness at Janeway remembering something of that time, and shame at what the memory was about. "I believed that you and he were ... copulating. I know now that was not the case, but it is what I thought at the time."
"So you belted him," Janeway said, her voice carefully without inflection.
Seven lowered her eyes, a blush touching her cheeks. "Only once."
Despite herself, Janeway could not contain her laugh. "I'm sure he's very grateful for that." She paused, thinking about the brooding man that was Voyager's first officer. "Chakotay's been a good friend to me, and to you ... but for some reason, I'm not entirely sure he considers us to be the same type of friends."
"I believe he looks to you as a friend," Seven argued mildly.
Janeway shook her head. "There's a piece of himself he never lets anyone close to. At one time, when he introduced me to my spirit guide, I think we were exploring it but ... after we were trapped on that planet together, he never again tried to share his mystical beliefs with me. Not on that level."
"Do you believe you did something on the planet that made him withdraw?" Seven asked with great interest.
Janeway shrugged lightly. "I don't know. I don't know if we ever talked about it or if I'm only recognizing that distance he put between us now." She paused. "Chakotay was able to use his beliefs to help Neelix after he ... 'died'. It may have kept Neelix from wasting the second chance you gave him."
"I do not believe I completely understand the Talaxian's reaction to being restored," Seven said slowly. "Neelix apologized later but he was quite angry with me for my actions ... for saving his life."
Janeway blinked. "Did I know that? I mean, I knew about his 'death' and your use of Borg nanoprobes to bring him back, but did you tell me about his anger?"
"It was part of my report that resulted in the policy you established."
Janeway went very still. "What policy?"
"Where I was not to use the nanoprobes to 'bring people back to life'. I made my report to you, Commander Chakotay and the Doctor. The three of you came to a consensus and made the decision to prevent such action." She hesitated. "Otherwise, I would have used them today to restore the two crewmembers who were killed."
Janeway sat up abruptly, staring at her partner. "Are you telling me you can bring those two back to life?" she asked sharply, her heart pounding in her chest.
"Yes,"Seven said with a touch of confusion. "But they are not Talaxian."
Janeway opened her mouth and then stopped, acknowledging that she was missing something here. The awareness curbed her outrage and the words trembling on her lips that might have proven imprudent. "What difference does it make whether they're Talaxian or not?"
"It was discovered that Talaxians can eventually expel the nanoprobes. The rest of the Humanoid species on Voyager cannot. If a Borg cube comes within a certain distance, the nanoprobes could be activated by just a transmitted signal. That was why you determined for the good of the ship that any deceased crewmember should not be restored utilizing this technology. It could possibly stock the crew with too many drones should we encounter the Borg again."
"Assimilating at a distance?" Janeway said, eyes wide as she absorbed this. Clearly this had been something that had been stored in the classified logs ... she still had to go through all those. Then another thought struck her. "Annika, we both have nanoprobes in our systems. So does Harry Kim."
Seven regarded her evenly. "Yes, we do. Because you and I have been assimilated in the past, it is very possible that we both could be activated by little more than a passing signal." She paused. "Chakotay is aware of this and certain protocols have been established to deal with that eventuality."
Janeway took a deep breath. "I think maybe I need to go back over all my encounters with the Borg. A little closer this time. I missed that one completely."
"I am sorry, Kathryn." Seven's features were distressed. "I do not know what needs to be brought to your attention until you indicate ignorance of it."
Janeway leaned over and patted Seven's arm. "It's all right, Annika. It's an ongoing process. We just have to adapt as we go." She tried to still her racing pulse, settling next to her partner against the couch, and leaning into the lanky form. She stared into the greyness of the room. "I need to know more about what I have floating in my veins. Do you think they make a difference in my physiology right now?"
Seven hesitated, looking at her oddly. "You would not have survived as long as you had in the Barellan prison had the nanoprobes not continually repaired your internal injuries from the beatings. Remember how quickly you recovered once I reached you?"
Janeway looked at her, the saliva drying instantly in her mouth. "I thought that was the medicine."
"That helped combat the pneumonia, but the traumatic injuries, the ruptured organs, the punctured heart and lungs from rib breakage, the fractured skull, the damaged spine ... the nanoprobes repaired those."
"My god, Annika, why didn't the Doctor tell me when I was in sickbay?"
"He did not realize it during his first examination of you. It was only when you were debriefing the crew on what happened in the prison later that he became aware the conditions you described should have been far more damaging. That is why he went back over your scans, and discovered the repaired injuries. He requested that I study the data and make a projection on the nanoprobes efficiency on your system as opposed to mine."
"You should have told me," Janeway repeated, anger a strong force rising within her. 
Seven reached out and put her hand on Janeway's shoulder comfortingly. "Kathryn, we thought you were aware of this. After all, you know better than anyone how badly you were beaten. Why did you not ask?"
Janeway forced herself to calm down, feeling the pulse throb in her temples. She wondered why she hadn't asked about the medical records, and then realized that perhaps deep down, she hadn't wanted to. That she had already known on some level that she shouldn't have survived most of those beatings, and didn't really want to understand how she had been able to walk away from them. She told herself  that they hadn't been that bad, but as she forced herself to recall that time, she remembered the sickening sensation of bones snapping under alien fists, of burning pain inside that would subside after a few hours. Even her wrist and ribs, broken when Seven reached her, were already mostly healed by the time she was beamed up to Voyager only a day or so later. The heat of her anger suddenly went cold, and she swallowed hard, a bit dizzy at the implications as she felt Seven reaching over to embrace her, concern etching the Borg's narrow features.
"Kathryn," she said softly as she wrapped her arms around her, "without them, you would have died, and I would have lost you. The nanoprobes saved you. They have frequently saved me. They are a tool, nothing more."
Janeway hugged her back, still trying to assimilate the knowledge that she had acquired a certain type of invulnerability, and what exactly it meant for the future. But she also knew that this was something she shouldn't try to deal with at the moment.  Her partner needed reassurance and love; certainly not any indication of revulsion or horror on her part. Janeway brushed her lips over the Borg's chin.
"I know, darling," she promised gently. "After all, they're a part of you. I guess I should count myself fortunate they're a part of me."
Even if she had to look at her reflection in the mirror every morning to make sure a new implant hadn't erupted sometime during the previous night.
 
0400 Hours

 
Seven eyed her partner worriedly. She could tell that the news had rocked Janeway and wished she had utilized a different way of telling her. A kinder, gentler way. If only she could be sure of what Janeway knew and what she didn't. When she assumed Kathryn was ignorant of certain things, the captain quickly revealed she was fully cognizant of what Seven was referring to ... and look annoyed that Seven would presume she did not. Yet at other times, when Seven was certain Janeway would know what she was talking about, she would gradually become aware of the puzzlement in the blue-grey eyes and a sick sensation would fill her.
Sometimes it was more difficult than at others to deal with Janeway's memory loss. Though, Seven noted to herself, this was not a case of memory loss. This was more a case of the Doctor and the Borg making assumptions about what the captain did and didn't know.
Seven promised herself that she wouldn't do that any longer. Even if Janeway grew short tempered when the Borg elaborated when it wasn't needed, she would still make sure Kathryn understood completely what she was saying ... at all times.
"Kathryn, it is hard sometimes for me to know what you remember. I am sorry for that, and for making assumptions that I should not."
Janeway sighed and patted her hand. "It's not your fault, Annika. I know my need to be in control causes me to make mistakes. This pride of mine sometimes forces me to pretend I'm a lot more comfortable with my loss of memory than I really am. I'm counting on you to stand your ground and not let me be so foolish."
"I will comply," Seven said gravely. She glanced at Janeway in time to see her glancing back at her and was warmed when the captain suddenly smiled.
"I know I'm hard to live with sometimes. Thank you for putting up with it."
Seven put her arm around the slender shoulders, pulling the compact body close. "It is worth it." She kissed her spouse gently on the temple. "I shall always do my best to look out for you, Kathryn."
Janeway was silent for a moment. "It won't be easy," she said finally, choosing her words with difficulty. "I'll rarely be grateful, or even gracious about it, but you're the only one I can count on to do this.  You are the only one I can allow to take care of me."
"It is a duty I officially accepted with joy the day we were married. Certainly, it is one I always assumed from the moment I fell in love with you."
Janeway hugged her tightly and kissed the Borg's cheek. "I really needed tonight. Thank you for staying up with me."
"Are you feeling any better?" Seven asked anxiously.
Janeway nodded. "Yes, I am. I still feel very bad about Wallace and Jona, but I realize it was a horrible tragedy that was no one's fault, nor could I have done anything to prevent it." She hesitated. "And I'm so glad it wasn't you. Every day I spend with you, I'm going to treat like a gift, precious and new. That doesn't mean that I can't care just as strongly for my crew as I always have, just that I have my priorities straight when it comes to our marriage.  I have to realize that some things must transcend duty and responsibility."
Seven was considerably surprised that they had managed to accomplish so much in such a short span of one evening ... she had anticipated this taking days just as Janeway's depressions did ... but she was certainly not going to argue with success. She would merely be glad, and appreciative of the relaxed way Janeway was now settling against her. Seven noticed that her partner did not seem very tired; instead Janeway seemed quietly energized, just as she would be on the bridge in the middle of a battle watch, or waiting for a spatial phenomena to develop after having pulled a double shift, drawing on some unseen pool of stamina and deeply internal resource that never failed to impress and amaze Seven. The Borg leaned over and nuzzled the captain's ear, kissing it gently.
"I was concerned in the beginning that I would not be able to help you."
"You were an incredible help, my darling, and tonight has done me a world of good. I've never tried talking about the things that bother me. I've always tried to handle them myself ... I guess I considered it a weakness to indicate I wasn't in control or that I might need something or someone. Now, at 43, I'm begining to think that just maybe, if I get old enough, I'll eventually become an adult rather than what I think an adult should be."
"I love you the way you are, Kathryn." Janeway turned to her, an expression of pleased shyness crossing her features and Seven reached out, running her fingertips along the elegant cheek.  "So much," she added as she leaned over and kissed her gently; lovingly, trying to show her how much she cared, how much she completely adored her, attempting through this physical connection to convey what limited words seem to fail at so often.
It seemed she succeeded. When they finally parted, Janeway looked up at her with marvelous blue eyes filled with a glow of warmth and happiness. "Mmm, as much as I enjoyed talking with you, my darling," she said wryly, "I think I like these non-verbal communications far more."
Seven smiled slightly. "I believe I do as well," she said and kissed her again. "Do you want to go to bed?"
Janeway eyed her briefly. "Darling, it's too late to try to get any sleep before morning watch," she murmured, drawing her hand down Seven's cheek lovingly. "We'd only end up more tired than when we started." She paused and favored Seven with a sensual look. "But if you have something else in mind ..."
Seven brushed her lips over the captain's. "I do."
"Hmm, you know what I'd really like?" Janeway said as Seven pulled her up from the floor, the Borg's hands grasping her wrists gently. "Let's have a shower first. I still feel grungy from yesterday."
Holding hands, they wandered into the ensuite where Seven tugged at Kathryn's pyjama top, peeling it off over her head. The captain slipped out of the bottoms as Seven took off her robe, hanging it neatly on the hook. Kathryn programmed in a temperate shower, and together, they stepped under the warm sprays that erupted from the three separate jets. Seven appropriated a sponge from the compartment containing the shower supplies, retrieved some soap from the dispenser and began to lather her partner's back. She admired the elegant line of it, the defined spine that bisected the firm musculature as she drew the textured cloth firmly along the silky flesh, scrubbing the skin as Kathryn sighed with luxurious pleasure.
The captain was leaning against the wall, her palms flat against it, head bowed with her eyes closed, and Seven did not have to look to know Kathryn was smiling faintly. While the captain did not share Seven's adoration for having her back scratched, she did have a great fondness for having it washed, and the Borg was more than willing to accommodate her in this. Seven ran the cloth briskly up and down until the skin was pink, then let the warm water wash the suds away, the foamy, skin-moistening lather slipping down over the curve of buttocks, and down the back of the thinly muscled legs to the drain. Seven followed their path with an aesthetically appreciative eye, and acquired some more soap from the dispenser, trading the sponge for a softer cloth.
She began to lather the captain's arms and shoulders, enjoying how the heat and moisture made the skin seem to glisten with a warm glow, swirling the cloth over the flesh with a gentle motion that made the captain sigh once more as she straightened, throwing her head back. Seven moved closer to her, feeling the smaller body press wetly against her own as she increased the circumference of the circles, slipping down the slope of Kathryn's chest, moving over the firm little breasts, then down between them to the soft swell of abdomen. Seven could feel Kathryn's buttocks flex against her thighs, and she felt desire rise within her yet she did not become carnal with her task, did not linger overlong on those areas where she knew Kathryn was most erotically sensitive. Instead, she merely soaped the captain all over as Kathryn moved against her, then helped her rinse off, moving with her beneath the cascade of warm water. 
When she was finished, Kathryn turned to her, taking the washcloth from Seven's hand. "My turn," she said huskily, looking up at her with soft blue eyes.
Seven gladly relinquished her possession of the fabric and raised her head, closing her eyes as she felt her partner move over her with the same care and loving attention she had given her. Kathryn did not linger at those places that offered Seven the most pleasure either, but the Borg's nipples still hardened as the captain passed over them, still felt a sensual thrill thread through her as Kathryn gently drew the cloth between her legs.
It was a game, Seven decided. They were both aware that this was arousing, knew exactly how it was going to end but for now, they contented themselves with the simple indulgence of soap and water rather than directly address the anticipation rising between them. Seven smiled, her lips drawing freely back over her teeth as Kathryn tossed the cloth back on the rack.
The captain smiled back at her. "Will you wash my hair?"
Seven dispensed some shampoo into her cupped palm, waiting until Kathryn had fully immersed her head beneath the nearest spray before she moved behind her once more, plunging both hands into the auburn locks with a distinct sort of joyful abandon.
Kathryn murmured soft sounds of inarticulate pleasure as Seven thoroughly massaged her scalp with strong fingers, moving them over and through the soft strands of hair. It was a sharing on both their parts; one being indulged, the other enjoying the tactile sensation of hair and skin as she provided the indulgence. When Seven finally nudged Kathryn over to the nearest nozzle, rinsing the shampoo from her head, the captain was completely relaxed from the soothing stimuli. Once her hair lay slick and tight to her skull, Kathryn turned and drew Seven's head down, the taller woman having to bend as the captain reciprocated the gift her partner had bestowed.
Seven tremendously enjoyed the feel of the captain's fingers on her skull, the way the fingertips swirled and prodded, stroking through the long, blonde strands of fine hair. She was almost saddened when Janeway finally guided her beneath the spray to wash out the thick shampoo, leaving her hair draped over her neck and down her back like a golden hood.
The Borg blinked the droplets from her eyes and looked down into the face of her partner, loving her utterly, basking in the sensual embrace as Kathryn wrapped her arms around her neck and pressed her body full length against hers. Seven kissed her, tasting water and a trace of soap and the unique, delicious, wonderfully absorbing flavor of her partner.
"Do you want to stay here?" Seven murmured quietly when they parted, the spray splashing steadily over them. "Or shall we dry off and go to bed?"
"Oh dear," Kathryn replied in her deep, smokey trill. "Such a decision. Why don't you kiss me while I try to make up my mind?"
Seven smiled and did so, pulling the captain closer to her. Janeway slid against her wantonly, her body a slippery, sleek heat in her arms. Cupping the firm buttocks, Seven lifted the smaller woman into the air, unsurprised when Kathryn immediately wrapped her legs around her hips, the moist center pressing against the Borg's belly. Seven eased them over to the bulkhead, resting the captain against the shower wall that helped the Borg steady and bear her weight. Seven tried to figure out the logistics as she occupied Kathryn with kisses, long, slow, openly sensual, tasting and teasing her with loving passion. She delighted in the touch of the smaller woman's tongue against hers, the way the elegant hands moved over her shoulders and back as she slipped her left arm under Kathryn's buttocks so that the captain was completely supported by the Borg enhanced forearm.
Seven wormed her right hand between their bodies, covering the captain's breast, feeling the nipple jab into her palm and she squeezed the soft weight gently, enjoying the sensation of it against her hand.
Kathryn laughed throatily. "Can you manage this, love?" she murmured between the deep kisses. "I'm no lightweight."
"Just keep your legs around my waist," Seven instructed huskily.
"Will do," Kathryn muttered before kissing her again, and the Borg palmed the breast firmly, concentrating on not dropping her spouse.
Playing with the slippery nipple, Seven fondled it between her fingers, the soft flesh hardening into a firm little knot. She felt a viscous moisture against her belly that she knew was not due to the shower. Inhaling deeply, she tried to determine how long she could hold this position before deciding she wouldn't have to maintain it for long if she could just position her hand into the proper place.
"Oh god, Annika," Kathryn breathed hotly in her ear as Seven managed to slip her fingers between the captain's legs, rubbing against the moist flesh, seeking out the tender ridge that made the captain lurch against her when she touched it. "That feels so good ... oh darling ... please don't stop..."
"I will not," Seven promised quietly, feeling her shoulder muscles tense, trembling slightly.
Seven shifted her weight a little and lifted Kathryn higher, allowing two fingers to find the slick opening where they slipped easily inside. Kathryn made a sound, high pitched, a keen of pleasure and Seven felt the tight walls close around her fingers. She pushed deeper, inciting another moan and felt herself start to weaken. She decided that Borg strength was brute rather than one of endurance and she knew she should finish this quickly. She curled her fingers upward, finding that smooth little place and managed to bring her thumb into play over the captain's nodule. Kathryn's response was immediate, jerking against her, her fingertips digging into Seven's back as she tried to hang on. The Borg was hard pressed to hold her in place as the spasms overtook the captain, and she winced as Kathryn's head abruptly thudded into the shower wall. Her lover did not seem to notice any discomfort, gasping as the sensation shook her, a long, drawnout groan of utter pleasure erupting from her throat as she clung to Seven desperately.
Her thighs gradually slipped off the Borg's hips, sliding down to the floor along Seven's legs though the young woman still had to support her until the captain had managed to regain her bearings ... and her feet.
"Are you all right?" Seven whispered, holding her close.
"I'm seeing stars," Kathryn laughed shakily.
"That may be from the blow to your head," Seven noted with concern. "Shall I contact the Doctor?"
"Oh no," Kathryn objected, looking up at her with amusement. "He's been in this bathroom far too much lately. Besides, they weren't those sort of stars."
"Ah," Seven said and smiled as she felt Kathryn's hands move over her body. "I think we should dry off. I sincerely doubt you can provide the same sort of positioning for me."
Kathryn nipped her earlobe. "There are other ways to pleasure you in the shower, my darling, but let's save them for another time. The bed sounds really good right now for what I want to do with you."